i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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