Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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