My balls are so social today.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
