There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
