I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
