thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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