How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
