Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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