If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
