I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
