Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
