I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
