you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
