My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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