dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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