wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
