Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A bitchslap is in order.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
