My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
