how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
