You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
