uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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