you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
