apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
