Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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