bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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