It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
