Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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