tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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