I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
