Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize