Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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