Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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