One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
