you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
