when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
