I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
