he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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