I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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