therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
