This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
