youre lurking in front of me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You took a bar mat shot.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
