How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
