Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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