She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
