Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
