I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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