So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
