Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
