He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize