DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Please don't give away my fajitas
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
