Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
