You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
