Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
