We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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