so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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