She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
