hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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