I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
