The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
