you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
