apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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