duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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