i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
