This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You pole danced in your parka.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
