I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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