i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
