the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
